someone threw a dead crab at me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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