Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Panties = found
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
