it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
