Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
