Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
