It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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