Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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