Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Can you bring me the toilet please
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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