I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My vagina is officially offended.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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