How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
