i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
