piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
