I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
