Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
