So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
