yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
