you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
