it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
