***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So much rum. So many feels.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
