Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
