Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
