Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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