pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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