sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The feeling are messing with the penis
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
