my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
