I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
