respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
