Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
