can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
