Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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