I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
