Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
