apparently the secret to your success is patron
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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