o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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