And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
