Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
