she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
