Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
