you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
