put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
