No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
