well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
