Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
