College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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