That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She even gives head with a lisp.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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