The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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