Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
