I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
