I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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