Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize