and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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