i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
