all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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