He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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