I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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