I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
