You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
