I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
