dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
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