Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
