I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
