Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
