I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
