You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
