If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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