This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
