if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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