I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
