i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
