I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
