I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize