Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
