Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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